Lack of Confidence
One of the greatest problems, especially when we have a lack of confidence or self doubt, is that we think we shouldn’t have any. Yet without problems man would not have made any progress. It is through our struggle and our reaching the limits of our threshold for pain, when we are moved to take decisive action. This is the process of converting safe problems to quality problems.
Safe Problems
So what safe problems do we tend to have? Safe problems can often be identified by how long we have had them. They are safe because although unpleasant, it is possible to keep going with them without facing any real change. Safe problems allow us to connect with other people when we complain about them, they let us get frustrated, sad, angry, melancholy, and a whole host of other feelings but they don’t push us to change ourselves. Problems like unwanted feelings or behaviors that we keep returning to, despite the apparent pain they cause. We all have safe problems at different times in our lives but if we don’t change them to quality problems, they will stay with us. Because they stay with us, we become experts at having our safe problems. We build confidence that we will find a way to live with our safe problems. And as long as we do this, we don't grow. Sometimes we are so good at being unhappy, why would we ever want to be happy!
Quality Problems
Quality problems are the kind that are life changing. When action must be taken. We reach a threshold of pain and we are instantly forced out of the comfort zone to do something about it. It maybe to change a relationship that isn’t working, to change a job that is no longer satisfying. It could be that you were always financially broke but now you are actually bankrupt. Or you were addicted but now you have health concerns. Quality problems can be the most difficult to face because we know we HAVE TO CHANGE. Yet once we do change, the rewards are more fulfilling than at any other time in our lives. Making changes at this level is when we personally grow. We change and we have a realization that having made the very real, sometimes very scary changes, we realize that things are so much better on the other side.
It’s like the gardener who for YEARS suffered with a bad back. Pain each and every day, getting up in the morning, out of bed. The pain getting dressed, just trying to put his socks on. Not to mention how painful it was just getting into the car. It was excruciating! Yet it didn’t come near to the pain and fear of getting help from a professional. What if they twist him a certain way and it makes the pain worse? What if they make it permanent? What if he gets there, but they cause him so much pain that he can’t even get back home himself?
Then one day whilst working in his garden he feels something go. Falling to the ground in sheer agony he knows this is it. He HAS to do something about it. By screaming for help, a passerby helps him get back into his home and calls a professional doctor, an expert in back conditions. The doctor comes over in a rush and after examining him, he says I’m sorry but I have some very bad news for you. You are going to be incapacitated for at least several weeks. But with the right medication, and then the right referral, I know that within 2-3 months you will be completely pain free, and you will be able to put your socks on easily in the morning, and getting into your car will be easy once again. It’s true that we don’t all get the good news like this person did. But it demonstrates how we can suffer for YEARS with a safe problem, before we make it a quality problem and DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
So what safe problems have you been living with in your life? What quality problems have you been avoiding taking action on? I am convinced that by taking ACTION with respect to our quality problems we will grow as individuals and realize no matter how good we are at being unhappy, being happy is so much more fulfilling.
When we lack confidence, or have self doubt, low self esteem, we tend to love our safe problems. We avoid change. We value our comfort and security in life. Yet this is why we can become stuck. Stuck in our safe problems that we learn to live with. But never truly learning what it's like to live a happier and more fulfilled life.
How to change a Safe Problem to a Quality Problem
The answer to this is simple but that doesn't make it easy. To change a safe problem that we have had for a long time into a quality problem that will cause us to grow, we have to hit a threshold. We have to find a moment in life when our should's become our musts. Where the pain of being stuck, of not growing, of missing out on a happier more fulfilled life causes us to change there and then. We make a decision. We take a new action.
You can do this. I know this because I did it myself and have coached others to achieve the same for themselves. Your life is not dictated to you by the events that happen or by your past. It is entirely down to what growth you experience and how you progress through your quality problems.